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Faking News : Almost believable

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In the weeks gone by, several things transpired in the cricketing world. India finally started getting their act together in the limited over matches, Pakistan inflicted a clean sweep over England, the IPL Auction took place and the newbie cricketing league BPL commenced. Let us have a look at the highlights of the major interesting events that took place over the weeks:
 
After playing a significant role in the humiliation inflicted to England in Dubai, Pakistani off spinner Saeed Ajmal expressed his astonishment at how his highly publicized “teesra” was completely forgotten by the media after the first Test.  He says “Yes, although my conventional spinner and the doosra were more than sufficient to mesmerize the English batsmen but I still expected more publicity. I will definitely re-declare it before the next Test match”.
 
One of the contemporaries (who does not wish to be named) of Indian all-rounder cum millionaire, Ravindra Jadeja has divulged the secrets behind the success of his team mate. He says “Ravindra does not actually dismiss batsmen. The batsmen get confused as Jadeja, who claims to be a spinner actually does not spin the ball. It is his secret. I am spilling it as I am jealous of him, frankly speaking”. 
 
Brothers cum Pakistani wicketkeepers, Kamran and Adnan Akmal revealed the reasons behind their success. Kamran remarked “Yeah, well we used to play an innovative game since our childhood - Who drops more catches wins – and I am still proud of winning almost every time. We also used to practice shouting ‘Koi baat nahi, Saqlain bhai’ every day and I used to shout so hard that one day I ended up breaking a neighbor’s window. Miss those days”. Adnan however told us a different version in which he sincerely revealed that Kamran had actually broken the window with his bat and not his vocal frequencies that day.
 
One anonymous commentator remarked that Brad Hogg is much better playing than commentating and is extremely relieved that he has started playing T20 cricket and does not have to hear him making absurd statements like “Pandey has dropped the candy”.  “Also, it is much better to watch Hogg sticking his tongue out in the field rather than in the commentary box”, he concluded.
 
Meanwhile, West Indian batsman Shivnarine Chanderpaul congratulated Pakistani youngster Azhar Ali for consuming 500 plus balls to complete his excruciatingly slow century. Wiping tears off his eyes he said "I'm proud of the young boy. He reminds me so much of myself. But there is still room for improvement, especially his boring conventional technique. He should learn from mine or from Craig McMillan (who for a short duration of his career started employing a stance in which he used to turn his back towards the wicketkeeper).  I just loved watching his innings on Star Cricket that day!”
 
In other news, Indian youngster Suresh Raina disclosed the reason behind his hatred and fear against the short, bouncing ball. He said “When I was a kid I remember a horrifying incident when my friend had thrown a ball straight at my face and I could not stop it. I vividly remember every second of the ball coming close and the same scene comes to my mind when the ball rises up towards my face while batting. If Test cricket is like this I don’t mind retirement. I and Dhoni have already discussed about it in private. Life will be so wonderful, playing exciting T20 and ODIs and in free time we can easily do part time commentary. Just look at successful commentators like Saba Karim, Nikhil Chopra and Aakash Chopra. As an added advantage, unlike them we won’t even have to join English speaking classes before starting our commentary career!!”

In a glittering ceremony after completing the successful series against England, Pakistan’s Captain Cool
Misbah-ul-Haq launched a brand new car. The specialty of this new invention is that it is the first 4 wheeled vehicle having only two gears. In the post ceremony speech, he explained “This new concept of two gears is easy for novices to get used to. It can also do extremely unpredictable things like increasing speed upto 100 Km/h in peak traffic or travelling at a snail’s pace on highways”. The two gear concept is supposed to be inspired by Misbah’s unique, inexplicable style in which he blocks hittable balls throughout the day and hits consecutive sixes in the last over of a day’s playor the over just before lunch or tea. English players, on the other hand, understandably boycotted the ceremony.
 
Son of Indian batting legend, Rohan Gavaskar revealed the reason behind his early retirement. He said “Frankly speaking, first class cricket is extremely boring. Lifeless pitches, almost negligible salary and unexpectedly sparse crowds even for final matches. I was anticipating it (retirement) soon. But I have a final wish. I want to un-retire from all formats of the game once before retiring again. If Afridi and Mohammed Yousuf can do it why can’t I? It will be a good pub joke later, something to laugh about!”
 
Meanwhile, modern T20 freelance cricketers, Keiron Pollard, Chris Gayle and Dwayne Bravo are planning to join the inaugural American cricket league starring legendary T20 cricketers like Joginder Sharma. Almost snatching the mike from us, Sharma remarked "I am obviously elated. Let this be a fitting reply for my detractors who said I was a one tournament wonder. Who is earning in dollars now, huh?" Days later it was found that among the sample videos watched by the American Cricketing Committee a video “My T20 exploits – Joginder Sharma” was discovered. 
 
Keiron Pollard, on the other hand seemed delighted to be part of yet another cricket league. “Well, they are paying me an amount somewhere in between BPL and IPL, so I’m happy!” When asked if he had any other offers in hand, he remarked “Good you reminded me. I also received an offer for Chinese T20 league, but I have not replied in the affirmative yet because I was not sure I could acclimatize to the cold weather. I am planning to make a decision after making a visit to China after IPL.”
 
M S Dhoni is pleasantly surprised that one match winning knock has catapulted him to glory once again. As we caught up with him he remarked “I thank people for having such a short memory. I am truly amazed!” On reminding him that he is “M S Dhoni” and not “Truly Amazed” he retorted “Who are you? How dare you have the audacity of cracking a filthy PJ like this? Who is the chief editor of this site?”
 
After a stern warning from the chief editor, the writer has promised not to write anything on Dhoni till his next article!! 
 



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