[Editor’s note: The opinions and sexual preferences expressed in this piece belong solely to the author, and do not reflect those of this website, Danny Morrison, or Vladimir Putin (as far as we know). Please direct all feedback/constructive criticism/abuse at him.]
Simple game this, best played with a good mate when you have time to kill. During rain delays, during a DRS referral or when the Pokemon Go servers go down.
All you have to do is pick one of the two options, and explain your decision.
Let’s get into it!
1: Would you rather be the son of Ravi Shastri, or the son of Danny Morrison?
2: Would you rather win an IPL final as a player or a World T20 final as a player?
3: Would you rather be a T20 hero for 10 years, or a Test match legend for 10 years?
4: Would you rather have Shahid Afridi’s hair, or Kumar Sangakkara’s hair?
5: Would you rather score a Test century at Lord’s, or be as great as Kevin Pietersen is at everything for 1 day?
6: Would you rather see Imran Tahir play another 10 years of international cricket, or Glenn Maxwell play another 10 years of international cricket?
7: Would you rather be MANKAD’ed on 99 in an ODI, or have Shane Warne date your sister?
8: Would you rather have Farhaan Behardien or Glenn Maxwell bat for your life?
9: Would you have rather been in the Proteas’ #ProteaFire music video, or be seen in a Shane Warne sex tape?
10: Would you rather have Ian Botham’s dick pic tattooed on your arm, or have any of Kevin Pietersen’s tattoos?
11: Would you rather have Giles Clarke or N. Srinivasan as the best man at your wedding?
12: Would you rather watch an Imran Tahir wicket celebration on loop, or Dwayne Bravo doing the Champion dance on loop?
13: Would you rather have Jacques Kallis’ hair, or AB de Villiers’ hair?
14: Would you rather watch the Boxing Day Test live at the MCG, or the New Year’s Test live at Newlands?
15: Would you rather have watched the 438 game live, or watched David Warner slap Joe Root that time in the bar?
16: Would you rather have Geoffrey Boycott as your lawyer, or Michael Holding?
17: Would you rather be friends with Piers Morgan or Vladimir Putin?
18: Would you rather get paid $1,000 a day to play a 5 Test series in Sri Lanka, or $10,000 a day to play a 5 Test series in Bangladesh?
19: Would you rather have Morne Morkel or Ben Stokes bowl a T20 death over for you?
20: Would you rather be Sachin Tendulkar, or just be as rich as him?
What I would choose:
1: Ravi Shastri – at least then there would be one country I wouldn’t be too embarrassed to live in.
2: WT20 final. I’m South African, I will take any ICC trophy I can get!
3: T20 hero. More money, more time playing golf, and a bigger audience to sell a shitty book to when I’m done.
4: Shahid Afridi’s hair! Because you just know it will never go away!
5: Obviously be as great as KP. Who wouldn’t want to be a superhero for a day?
6: Imran Tahir. Eventually a pitch invader will tackle him after taking a wicket.
7: I’ll take the MANKAD any day. Momentary disappointment always trumps the permanent alternative.
8: #BehardienTime
9: The Shane Warne sex tape. People will eventually forget about that, unlike the #ProteaFire music video.
10: Ian Botham’s dick pic. Some may consider it art, and it really wasn’t that big.
11: Srinivasan. He probably wouldn’t be bothered enough to pitch, whereas old Giles would probably hit on your wife.
12: Dwayne Bravo, and I would make it tolerable by adding Freddy Flintoff laughing at him over it.
13: Kallis. He got a top class rugby that looks like it will last.
14: Newlands. Way more attractive women and you can drink beer whenever you like rather than when you are allowed to.
15: Warner slapping Root, obviously.
16: Boycott, because he would annoy any judge or jury into the verdict he wanted.
17: Putin. He seems a lot less needy on social media.
18: Sri Lanka any day for less.
19: I would concede the loss.
20: His money. Must be terrible to be adored by a billion people, pretty much none of whom you would want to have sex with.
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