Rumours that Alastair Cook might get dropped from the English team for the next match have been doing the rounds in the post match press conference. A player who didn’t want to disclose his name to the press said that, “Cook needs to be dropped just for scoring that century. By playing that epic innings of 176 he showed the world the Ahmedabad pitch is not as bad as other English players made it out to be. How can we have a player like him in our dressing room, who is trying to show the shortcomings of the team to the outer world? This is not the culture we encourage in our dressing room!”

Unsurprisingly Cook was bombarded with questions about the dressing room problem.

He replied saying, “It is really hard being me, being an England born England team player. Sometimes even the pre match pep talk is done in Afrikaans. I have to score runs, have to carry my bat almost through the innings and have to captain the team.“

Of course, any English controversy is incomplete without Piers Morgan!

Apparently he tweeted,  “KP got dropped for scoring an outstanding century in Headingly. Why shouldn’t Cook be dropped for the same charge? #DoubleStandards”

When the reporters asked Cook about the loss against India, he replied, “India went against the spirit of cricket by giving a false sense of security about Bresnan and Broad. Broad was bowling shit before that 4-0 Indian series and was on the verge of being dropped. Then India happened and made us believe that Broad is actually a good bowler, only to tear him apart in the home series.“

And when asked about KP and his texts, Cook suggested that KP might have been the reason why England got humiliated in Ahmedabad. He suggested that “We are having investigations on how India got to know that we are this bad against spin, it was a well kept secret. India didn’t know about our shortcomings against spin earlier in the tour, or else they would have used their back up spinners against us in the warm up matches to demolish our confidence. But it is not the case. So they got to know our secret from someone within our team. And the history says KP is the most likely culprit. But logic says it cannot be him, because they got to know about KP’s vulnerability against left arm spin too. So most probably it cannot be him. “ 

Lastly when reporters asked Cook his opinion about Ravi Shastri saying “England played like Bangladesh “, Cook smiled and said No Comments.

And now it’s Mahendra Singh Dhoni’s turn for the press conference.

He started off saying, “Pitch slowed down by the time we got to bat, and I would like to say there is no batsman in the world who is good against short pitched bowling”, Kohli interrupted Dhoni and said “Dhoni paji, we won the match no need to use those excuses.”  Dhoni continued with a sheepish smile “Even though our performance was satisfactory today, I was expecting a better turning pitch in Ahmedabad. It’s what we call home advantage. The ball should turn by 90+ degrees in our future pitches”

When asked about their strategies for their next match, Dhoni answered “It was too easy for us in this match and so we are going to try out some new ideas for the next match to make things more interesting. Even in this match Ashwin restrained himself from Mankading Cook. We all know that’s his favourite way of dismissal.” He continued, “In the next match we are thinking about playing Bhajji in Ojha’s place. This would be a way of showing the world how bad England really is. They did the same against us by making Broad get all our wickets. Also, we could see a pattern in the English bowling attack; they always struggle against Indian No 3s. So I am thinking of going up the order to No 3 to score some runs and find some form! “ 

Not a word about DRS was uttered in the press conference. When in Rome, do as the Romans do!!